Control is a paradox.
The more you try to control the outcome, the more chaotic it becomes. And, in the end, the result you wanted often evades you. Quicksand is a perfect example of where more effort does more harm than good. But what about in real life?
It was a wonderful pair of dolphins who taught me that letting go creates more joy and freedom than I ever could have consciously preplanned.
It began with seeing letting go as an act of courage instead of an acceptance of defeat.
Above: Karen “skiing” with dolphins
This is me that day with those dolphins—twenty years ago. They’re beneath my feet, balancing and pushing me like I was water skiing. I can’t believe I almost didn’t get to experience what I consider now to be one of my most cherished memories of my life because I tried too hard to control it.
The first two attempts failed miserably! I swallowed a lot of salt water (from what I call face-surfing!), and my heart felt so disappointed. I just kept worrying that I was doing something wrong.
Having grown up on a lake, I learned to ski when I was nine. My mind time-traveled back to that summer; I tried every weekend for a month before I could balance the force of the boat pulling one way while the water pushed another.
Fast forward to my day with the dolphins, it was my past that influenced me to anticipate failure. So I unconsciously did what I’d be conditioned to do; if I wanted success, I had to control it. I felt the dolphins’ noses at my feet and if one touched my left foot first, I compensated by leaning right. I tried so hard to meet equal force to their power, etc. It was failing now because my mind was on autopilot making up for the hardships of my past.
Instead of doing what the trainer said, “relax and let the dolphins do the work,” I thought I knew better. The trainer called it quits for me, but I asked him—really begged—for one more try. My heart wanted this so much that I simply surrendered when he agreed. I gave into his directions to “do nothing” but lay on my stomach and lock my knees.
As the picture shows, success! But I have no words to truly relate the euphoric feeling and myriad of emotions of how balanced, protected, and free I felt in those 15 seconds.
Honestly? It wasn’t until decades later that I saw the parable in this story. The mirage of control had more to teach me; I had a business to close and relationships to break before I could apply the dolphin’s lesson to my entire life.
The truth is, letting go creates the space for life to come to you.
If you don’t quite understand this concept yet, it’s okay! Like any creative endeavor or talent, letting go is an artform; it better develops over time and practice. After all, nobody likes to be told what to do. That’s probably why animals are always some of my very greatest teachers!
